Guide For Parenting

Parents assume that just because they are parents they deserve their children’s respect. In our interactions with our children, just as with anyone else, you need to show respect in order to get it. Teaching your children respect by example is not difficult.

The Tone of Voice You Use

The tone of our voice says much more than the words we speak and the younger the child, the more they will depend on the tone. It is important you try to avoid displaying tension or stress in your voice when you are speaking with your kids.

The Words You Choose

The words you use to convey your feelings to your children are another indication of respect. It is vital to teach children that every thought in your head need not be expressed. Screen your words before you speak them and your children will follow in kind.

Body Language Cues

Children are fairly primitive beings and need to be taught the social niceties in order to fit into mainstream society. Children know immediately if their parents are actively listening to what they are saying. If you expect your children to listen to you with respect, you will have to do the same for them.

Our Attitude about Belongings

Respect for other people’s property is not something children are born with, it is something they learn from their parents. If you take the time to care for the things you have purchased such as your clothes, make-up or equipment used in sports, it shows your children that caring for their belongings as well as others is the proper way to treat material possessions.

Teach your children that the surest way to gain the respect of others is to respect them first. Teaching this valuable skill to your children will serve them in good stead for all of their lives.

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When one or both formerly married (to others) people, decide to join their lives together, a new family unit is created. This new family unit comes with its own special sets of challenges.  Whether the children live with you and your new spouse, or they visit on weekends, clearing up some misconceptions about step parenting and stepfamily life can ease you and your new family’s transition into these uncharted waters.

Don’t expect the children to love their new stepparent immediately. It may take some time and effort on the grown-up’s part to win the children’s love and trust. A stepparent may find themselves feeling frustrated and ready to give up, as some children refuse to have anything to do with the new addition to the family. Even if your relationship with the children was amiable when you were dating, they are bound to feel different now, that you have taken the next step in your relationship.

Though children who have been through a divorce are hurt, they will not be permanently damaged by the break up, if their parents have handled things in a congenial manner. You may be inclined to make excuses for the children or allow behavior you wouldn’t otherwise put up with because of guilt feelings.

Children can sense weakness in adults. Don’t let them manipulate you or your new spouse into thinking the presence of the new parent will traumatize them for life.

In these modern times the definition of what constitutes a family has expanded greatly. There is no “right” kind of family anymore. A typical family today might be described as a mom or dad raising children alone, as well as one or both of them remarrying and having new children. All this can be confusing to little ones.  As a parent of a blended family, you should be available to talk openly with your kids and allow them to air their feelings. Let them know that even if there is someone new in your life, they will always be the top priority in your life.

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Keeping the kids occupied in winter can be a nightmare for mom when the weather isn’t cooperating. You can beat those cabin fever blues of winter by planning a slumber party with your child. You can plan a sleepover during the winter break or the next free weekend you expect to have.

Planning the Fun

Depending upon the age of the child, you can plan a themed slumber party. Choose a theme such as a day at the beach, indoor camping or incorporate an activity such as crafting or a treasure hunt. Girls love to dress up and put on make up and accessories and you can plan your sleepover around a glamour night. Cooking can be something that both boys and girls of elementary or middle school aged children will enjoy, so you might consider planning the party around preparing some appetizers, snacks, pizza or anything else you might think won’t be too messy or too complicated to prepare.

The Basic Necessities

Be sure you have enough sleeping gear such as air mattresses, blankets, pillows or sleeping bags. You should also set aside an area where the slumber party will take place, and be sure that all younger siblings stay away unless invited.

Make sure the bathroom is slumber party prepared with extra tissues, toilet paper, wash clothes and hand soap and towels. Also consider how they will get there once it is dark. Make use of one or several nightlights to ensure they get to the bathroom without mishap.

Food and beverages are a major factor. If you are having a themed slumber party you can shop for snacks that will reflect that. Remember not to provide too much junk food and sugary snacks, or you will have a bunch of hyperactive kids on your hands. Be sure to find out if any of the invitees have any type of food allergies.

Having a slumber party can be a great way to break up the monotony of winter. The kids will have a blast and you may find you have a great time planning and executing a successful sleepover for them.

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Self esteem and confidence are important aspects of a healthy and happy child. There are things you can do at home that will help to boost your child’s self confidence and make their self esteem soar.

Make it a habit to talk about your child’s accomplishments. Let them relive the moments of their big catch in the game, or when they had to take a test they felt unprepared for, and ended up acing it. When you talk about accomplishments, it can have your child grounded in optimism and able to meet new challenges and face future disappointments.

You could make the dinner table the place where everyone gets to narrate what they did that made them feel proud of themselves that day. Encourage the adults to join in the discussion as well. What made them proud could be anything from answering a tough question in school today, or letting someone with disabilities go ahead of them in line. This can be a great way to boost kid’s confidence, and spend some quality time together as a family on a daily basis. Not only that, but you will get some insight as to how your child’s mind works which can be a valuable tool for parents.

When riding in the car on long trips, why not pose the question, “What is your favorite family memory?” The answer to this can tell you if your child feels he is a valued member of the family. Your family unit should allow your child the freedom to be himself. Asking your child this question can guide you to what type of attention your child needs and wants the most. Perhaps he would like to have more time alone with one parent or the other, or perhaps their favorite family memories involves the entire family getting together.

Helping your child to discover his strongest assets and encouraging him to develop his abilities is a way to keep your kids self esteem high which is vital to his success as a happy and well adjusted adult.

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The holidays are over, and it may seem like March is years away. The children have been cooped up inside, and the whole family is beginning to go stir crazy. There are lots of ways a family can beat those winter blues, and treat that cabin fever. Taking a vacation, even if it is just for a long weekend can give your family something to anticipate. Planning your trip can be a family affair too. Instead of watching TV in separate rooms, you can all be together making your wish lists, and finalize your travel plans.

What Do You Want to Do?

Okay, now you have decided you will take a vacation, but where will you go? The off season, often referred to as the shoulder season, is the perfect time to travel as you will often pay rates that are far cheaper than you find in the summer months.

Does your family like winter sports? For those who love to ski, snowboard or snowtube, booking a stay in a resort that caters to lovers of outdoor sports and adventure may be just the place for you. If mom and dad don’t feel like participating in the cold weather fun, they can curl up with a book by the crackling fire, and enjoy hot rum drinks instead.

If you need to feel the sun on your skin, and the warm breeze in your hair, then heading to a tropical destination may be just the answer. You can find some incredible deals for all inclusive resorts for everyone in the family. Many of the resorts in the Caribbean include all meals and beverages as well as supervised programs for the kids.

Head South for the Winter

The southeastern part of the United States is perfect for a warm weather getaway. It is the perfect alternative for those who don’t want to travel with a passport. You can find some incredible deals on homes in states like North or South Carolina and Florida that price for as much as 3 and 4 times the rate you pay during the off season. Many of the homes are simply luxurious with every amenity and more that a family could ask for, all at amazing prices that will be hard to beat.

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If you ask most parents if they think their children feel safe and secure, they would probably answer yes. But is this really true?

Take a moment to think about the environment your child lives in. Is there constant fighting between the parents? Are all conflicts dealt with in a hostile fashion? Is there name calling? Any of these things and more can give your child the impression that their lives are precarious, and at any moment may change for the worse.

They Think the World Revolves Around Their Little Selves

Young children are quite egocentric when it comes to troubles in the family. They will often believe that parents are fighting over something they did or failed to do. Children don’t have the necessary coping skills nor the life experience to know that the problems between others are no fault of their own.

The Overprotective Parent

Parents who tend to smother their children may think they are giving their children a feeling of safety and protection, when in fact the opposite is true. If the adults in a child’s life are constantly worried about bad things happening, then the child will naturally pick up on that attitude. They will feel that the world is not a safe place and can later develop problems coping with everyday problems on their own.

The End Results

Children, who grow up not feeling safe, often grow up to be troubled adults. They may have abandonment issues, difficulty in trusting and forming intimate relationships, and strive for impossible perfection. They may feel insecure, helpless and distrustful of others as well as their own feelings and emotions. Giving your child a sense of security is more important than any material things you can give them. Think about what you can do to make him feel even more secure.

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As if children don’t have a load on their mind, they have to carry a load on their back as well. Have you ever felt your child’s backpack? It is quite heavy. Your child has to carry that load on their back every day, to and from school and for older kids, up and down stairs when they change classes. This can cause undo stress on growing bones. It is said that heavy backpacks carried by children can cause shoulder and spine fatigue or stress. This may cause your child to slouch and develop poor posture.

The American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons recommends that a child of eighty pounds should carry a backpack that is twelve to sixteen pounds. The backpack shouldn’t be more than 20% of your child’s total weight. Of course this will vary upon the fitness level of your child as well as their strength.

Other points to consider for your child’s backpack:

• Be sure the backpack has padded straps that are wide as well as a back that is padded.
• If backpacks are extremely heavy, utilize a hip strap.
• Put the heavier items closest to their back.
• The backpack should be 2” above your child’s waist, so tighten the straps accordingly.

For those kids who just can’t seem to manage their load without problems, using a backpack that has wheels can be a great alternative. If your child has a locker at school, have them make frequent stops to drop off and pick up books as needed, instead of carrying all their textbooks around.

If your child is experiencing problems with their backpacks, you may notice that your child struggles when taking the backpack off or putting it on. They may complain of numbness or tingling in their legs or arms, or you may notice your child’s posture has changed. Avoiding injury to the spine and shoulders when kids are young, and developing is important. Take time to check the weight of your child’s backpack regularly.

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Is your house a place of bedlam and chaos? Are your children or emotions out of control? Families come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no “right” way to be, but your home should be a place of solace and safety. You want your family to feel that home is the best place to be.

There are things you can begin to implement in order to create a happier household.

Be Careful of What You Say

Sometimes it can be hard to remember that little ears are listening. Your child will take any criticism to heart, and may even blame himself for whatever’s going wrong at home.  If a quarrel is impossible to avoid, do it out of earshot of the children. Although you may be having a minor argument, children may fear you might be breaking up. Try to phrase your requests in a more loving manner. If you set rules for your children and you are diligent about enforcing them, your children will know what is expected of them and thus you can avoid petty arguments.

Provide a Stable Routine

Children thrive on order and stability, and if you are experiencing chaos in your home, it may be because you haven’t set a schedule or daily routine that they can count on. Think about how your mornings usually go. Is there confusion and chaos? If so, setting a routine can help you get everyone out on time, and be kinder on your nerves.

Make Family Time a Top Priority

You can declare one night a week, even if it is just for a few hours, a time where the family spends time together. You can watch a movie and make popcorn, you can have a family meeting where everyone has a chance to air their grievances, or you can play any number of board or card games. Making time to spend that is not concentrated on school, work or errands, is a great way for families to stay connected and understand each other.

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Kids are always getting hurt, and injuring themselves. Most moms take it pretty calmly and have an updated first aid kit on hand. Other moms rely on methods that are now considered to be old wives tale type remedies. Learn the remedies you should avoid when it comes to treating your child’s minor cuts and bruises.

Iodine, Peroxide and Alcohol

These items have long been a part of mom’s defense against minor cuts and scrapes. But it is now thought that using peroxide or rubbing alcohol on an open cut can destroy skin cells with their toxicity and actually hinder the healing process.

Iodine is best used on skin that is unbroken. Doctors often use it to disinfect the site of an incision. Iodine does nothing to protect tissue that is healthy.

Mercurochrome is great for killing bacteria, but it has mercury in it and that is a toxic substance, as we now know.

It is now recommended that you clean any open wounds with simple, warm water. It flushes out the wound, and leaves the healthy tissue intact. After you rinse with water, apply an antibacterial ointment to keep the bandage from clinging to the wound.

Burn Care

Long used by decades of mothers for their children’s burns, we now realize that using butter for a burn is an old wives tale. Putting a coating of butter on a burn can make an area ripe for bacterial growth. Your best bet is to once again utilize plain water. Run the affected area under cool water in order to manage the heat, and halt any further scalding. Cool water will not only clean the burn, but will also soothe it.

Blisters are the body’s way of making a bandage for the wound, and you are advised not to break them. Fluids contained inside of a blister are sterile, and protect the tissue from bacterial invasion.

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There is so much pressure on parents in today’s society. They are expected to work; both parents in most cases, as well as take care of other family members and the home and raise wonderfully behaved and well adjusted children. With all the pressures that face many families, maybe a parenting coach is just what the doctor ordered.

Be the Best You Can Be

If you are overwhelmed by your child’s behavior and feel you have no place to turn, there are people who are willing to become your parenting coach. You can find professional parenting coaches that can help you become a more effective and confident parent. In the past, families lived closely together and there was often someone older and wiser to give advice when it was needed. Now, many children spend more time with caregivers than they do with their parents. It is natural to feel guilty about the time you are spending away from your children, but your guilt can manifest itself in bad behavior from your children.

Children do not come with an instruction manual when they are born. But you don’t have to feel helpless when it comes to your child’s misbehavior. You can find solutions to such problems as talking back, temper tantrums, as well as any major changes within the family unit.

There is no shame in admitting you are at a loss at how to implement discipline when it comes to your children. In fact, the opposite is true. By looking for help with the difficult and not so difficult situations early on, you may avoid some major behavioral issues later. Just as children don’t come with instructions, parenting doesn’t come with a manual either. It is up to each set of parents to find creative ways to discipline their children gently, but firmly in order to get their message across.

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